Bad Things Come In Boxes
by Foxes at Night in Tailcoats
Summary: Mrs Norris is not amused.


In the box beside the desk something strange appeared to be contained. From it, funny little scrabbling noises were emanating. They would then stop for a few seconds and nothing could be heard but the occasional creak of the castle settling, or, for those with excellent hearing facilities, the creatures-that-live-in-the-walls going about their daily business of thievery and mischief. Then the scratching scritching noises would start again.

Someone was watching the box with their eyes full of suspicion and curiosity. Mrs Norris wanted to know. She suspected, but she wanted to KNOW.

In all of her time with her human sidekick she had come across some strange things. Mainly because, she often reasoned, human kittens were wildly undisciplined. It was often her sidekick's job to give them the clip around the ear with a paw that they needed to keep them in line. Oh, not literally, no, that gesture was much too subtle for human kittens to understand and learn from.

The box rocked a little and Mrs Norris could hear the frantic little breaths coming from inside. The scratching noises started again and she could smell agitation becoming stronger. Finally it seemed that whatever was haunting the box decided to take their chances in desperation and vocalised their woe.

Mrs Norris felt her fur rise up and her eyes narrowed into angry slits. Her tail lashed backwards and forwards, still her focus remained intently on the box.

'MMMRROOOWWWWWW!'

A growl started to rumble in her throat and her body started to tense and flatten, still never taking her eyes off the box. Just as she was about to go and investigate further . . .

'Ahh, my Precious! I was just off seeing that annoying snotty Sinistra, she wants more lights turned off at night for the astronomy experiments, some people don't realise how selfish they are, it'll take forever to put those lights back on afterwards and . .. '

'MMROAAAOWWWWWW!'

Now that her sidekick was here Mrs Norris (or Lady Arabella Bone-Crusher if you went by her true title, she tolerated the 'Mrs Norris' humiliation because allowances had to be made for the feeble mind of the human she had been assigned) decided to register to him her distain regarding this unortharised deviation from normal routine. Her eyes turned on him and she channelled the fullness of her disapproval into her stare before stalking out.

The atmosphere in the 'Central Nerve Room' (or Filch's office as most would call it) was tense over the next few days. The kitten was not removed, her human was not responding to any of his obedience training. In fact, Lady Arabella had caught him in front of the fire in his armchair, PULLING ALONG A TOY NEEDLETOOTH WALL DWELLER ON A STRING.

'Here, kitten! Here, Mr Bertram! Catch the mousie!'

It was humiliating! After all of the effort she had put into his education, his learning, only to have a fuzzy upstart of surely uncertain heritage undoing all of her hard work.

It was at that point 'Mr Bertram' spied her and he bounced over in enthusiasm. This eagerness was dimmed slightly when Lady Arabella decided to make him aware of what he was actually dealing with. She reached up her paw and cuffed him, causing him to drop low in submission. As she rounded, determined to give the interloper a very firm lecture, hands reached down and scooped up the ill-mannered fluff-ball.

'Now, now, Mrs Norris. That's not nice. This is Mr Bertram. He's going to help you, he is.' Her sidekick tickled the idiotic little creature under the chin. Lady Arabella just stared straight at him, turned tail and walked out.

In the week that followed Lady Arabella tried to keep her dignity as high as she could. She did consider moving out of Headquarters, but it was her home and her human who was out of line. Why did she have to pay the price for his disobedience?'

And so she made do with the occasional hiss and growl at Bertram, and a few cuffs when the sidekick's back was turned.

'Hey!' the juvenile finally said after three days of this occurring.

'Hay is what horses eat' she sneered at him, daring him to take it further.

'No, I meant stop it'! Did the simpleton have a death-wish or something? She decided that perhaps his education was lacking and therefore he needed enlightening.

'I am Lady Arabella Bone-Crusher the Fourth. You will not direct your demands at me! However, I will be most certainly directing them at you! And it will be in your best interests to obey me . . .'

'My name is Sharp-Claw. But I think I like what that human calls me more. Bertram. Sounds more stylish….'

'Listen here, youngling! I have no idea why you have shown up here but your presence is not welcome in the slightest! If you had any idea of what was good for you, you would be halfway across the country by now'. Here she leaned right into his face, eyeballing him with the most intent focus she could muster. 'Do you understand me'?

What she was not prepared for was the giggle that emitted from the youngster at this threat. Yes, he was actually laughing at her and the thought she could do anything to hurt him. Why, the little . . .

'Oh, look at my two kitsies, getting on so well!' Her human sidekick came in, beaming from ear to ear at the sight of what he thought was an integration attempt gone right. 'Come on, then, my lovelies, come to your bowls and I'll find you some treats for being so good, so I will!'

At the mention of the word 'treat' Bertram scampered off, eagerly following in order to stuff himself full of behavioural blackmail reinforcement opportunity. Lady Arabella huffed, there was no way that trick would work on her, she was not dumb.

'Mrs Norris! Are you coming? Lovely salmon, fresh from the lake this afternoon!' Filch's voice came through the door. As if that could tempt her. Salmon. Scottish salmon. She was much better than a bribe like that… still, salmon, fresh that afternoon…

'This doesn't mean that I've conceded to any of your nonsensical plans' Lady Arabella lectured her sidekick in her head, practicing what she would say to him later. However, salmon was salmon, and you couldn't say more than that.

With her tail and ears held high, Lady Arabella poised herself in a dignified manner, before making her stately way to the adjoining room and going in.


End file.
